The CVS drugstore near my office is clean, efficient, and can fill every imagniable personal need.  It’s fucking amazing. I love it.

Unfortunately, it’s more of a magnet for crime than a two-dollar whore house.

I’m sure there is a ton of shoplifting — there’s beeping and security at every door. They even watch the middle-age white guys.  Yeah, it’s fucking creepy.  If I was a racist, I’d say I now understand how “it feels to be profiled.”  But I’m not going to say that — I’m not a fucking idiot.

There have been fights in the parking lot from the “neighbors” as they pick up whatever they need and bump into people they don’t like. The last scuffle I saw seemed to be over laundry detergent. At least that’s what they were using to hit each other over the head.

In the past 3 months there have been two armed robberies.  What happened to robbing banks — don’t these assholes remember Willie Sutton (that’s where the money is)?  I’ve looked in the tiller, that fucking CVS can’t have more than $50 cash.

After the first robbery in July, the cop said, “They were going after the oxy.”

It’s a 100-fucking degrees and these poor cops in full uniforms were taking turns dumpster-diving looking for the weapon.  After an hour, they found it on the other side of the fence behind the dumpster.

I didn’t hear that conversation, but I imagine someone said –“why didn’t we look over the fucking fence first?”

I heard the robbers didn’t get any oxy, but a month later a dude shows up at CVS with a gun and tries it again.  No idea if it was the same crack-head. They didn’t catch either of them.

Yeah, I know crack-head is not right, but it’s the only two-syllable description I could think of for “unfortunate victim of opiate addiction.”

Anyway, it never occured to me that if you need drugs, just rob the drug store.  Those little pills are a lot lighter and easier to carry than cash.  It’s probably a lot easier to spend the pills in crack-head world than it would be to manage the paper.

Maybe the CVS and Walgreens are going to be the new banks.  They are going to have to put a sleepy Barney Fife at the door with one bullet in his gun.  If the robber does get away with a bag, blue shit will fly all over his hands and the pills…

So if you’re buying oxy off the street from a guy named Morpheus, don’t take the blue pill.

On second thought — especially for you men of a certain age– let’s just say it’s never a good idea to be taking little blue pills — even if they can make your dick hard.

Anyway, let’s hope CVS is not the new target for armed robbers.  It’s probably just the CVS near me that’s enjoying this little crime spree.