In my dotage I tried becoming a fan of a celebrity — it’s not working for me.

At first, it was a few live shows a year. Then I got sucked into the “Rant is Due”, a more or less weekly internet video from Lewis Black.

After his live shows he reads rants from the audience. I wrote many. He read a few. I was hooked.

Started this bullshit blogging

Next fucking I know I’m a FUCKU fan club member. I joined for the cheap tickets to “the best” seats. Then I’m donating to causes I never heard of or gave a shit about before…

Got mailed a bunch of LB swag in an “random drawing” that I was sure was rigged just for me; it was the only drawing I’ve ever unwillingly entered and unwittingly won.

Suddenly I was writing two rants a week, watching 2-3 “Rant is Due” episodes — hoping to hit that Golden ticket again.

Alas… no suck luck. Willie Wonka died, but I kept on writing — trying to be part of the show.

Then the fucking Covid. Lewis switchs to a “Rantcast” podcast at the same time I’m no longer commuting. No longer stuck in the car killing time with podcasts.

Now he’s got the podcast, the live shows, the “Rant is Due” and videos of the Daily Show and social media feeds on Twitter and the “Meta.”

He’s fucking 15 years older than I am, and I can’t keep up.

I cut my own rants in half. I found a new job that takes much less time. Im still 15 hours behind in “Rantcasts” and two weeks behind the “Rant is Due”.

Lewis is not alone. Every goddamn comedian who’s ever been on TV has a podcast, fan videos, a Twitter feed, shit just for Facebook, a Patreon, a tour and 10 other hustles all going at once

I’m thinking about giving up on Netflix and Amazon Prime — who’s got the time. Your imaginary gawd and my very own father and wife constantly remind me of my growing ignorance and irrelevance.

I gave up on books long ago — no one can focus that long anymore.

How the fuck do these celebrities hold on to fans? Who could actually follow more than one?

Remember when Hollywood magazines talked about celebrities being “over exposed”? Let’s bring back those days when no one would dare to be in two movies at once.

This goes for all you fuckers out there in the public eye… politicians, journalists, actors, comedians…

Slow down a little.. stop throwing all your schtick at the wall and hoping some of it will stick…

I can’t take it anymore. It’s fucking exhausting.