You Can't Handle the Truth
I was drinking with a few friends at the 3rd world racquet club last week. I told them about a neighbor when I was a kid in Akron, Ohio. They didn’t like it…
Repeat English 101
I used to be a “professional writer” (small town newspaperman) and a teacher of English (9th grade), so it’s fucking hard to admit that I had to repeat English
The Shit Show — Updated
One of the family secrets that I did not know until recently — my mother used to call us: “The Shit Show.”
I Remember My First Beer
I was about 11 when the family wagon rolled into Eau Claire. I was probably the first and last person to have a life-changing event there.
A little bit of Akron in La Jolla
The LJBTC community was infested by two things from Akron, Ohio at the same time. The LJBTC will never be the same.
Booze and Broads and Bad Ideas
Other kids wanted to grow up to be astronauts, firefighters or doctors. I dreamed I was born the second son of a Landed Lord or a Robber Baron and blew the family fortune on booze and broads and bad ideas…
What’s in a name, Kieran
It is not quite “The Boy Named Sue,” but Kieran is fucking close enough.
Lewis Black Reads the Jeffrey Dahmer Joke
If I was smart, I would have gone to Las Vegas on Sunday. On Saturday, I hit the fucking Rant is Due lottery — Lewis Black read another of my little stories.
Menage a What The Fuck?
I only have one “sex” story that I used to share in public.
I was 16 years old and working at the ghetto grocery store that was a few blocks from my parents’ house. One winter night around 9 p.m. I was rounding up the last of the shopping carts in the parking lot.
This tiny little rusted out piece-of-shit sedan was a rockin’.
Cat Chute and Bowling
If I had YouTube when I was 12, I could have been a millionaire. My parent’s house in Akron, Ohio was full of fucking cats.
It Gets Better — After I Leave
Let’s be honest in the late 70’s, Akron, Ohio was the armpit of the midwest.
The Devil Strip
What do you call that little strip of grass between the sidewalk and the street? If you are from Akron, Ohio, you call it the Devil Strip.
Fuck Bridgestone and the PGA
This year was the last time the men’s Professional Golf Association will stop in Akron, Ohio. Next year they are moving to Tennessee — fucking Memphis
5 Life Lessons in 2 Minutes
Some people tell me I’m a very “negative person.” First of all, fuck you. Who asked you? And second, you are right
All the Hookers Knew my Name
When I was 14, all the hookers at the Imperial 400 Motel in Akron, Ohio, knew my name.
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