Not in front of the children
Grown-ass men tell me to “watch my language” when kids are around. Fuck that.
Iron What?
Ironing is fucking stupid and dangerous, and we should all stop it.
Disposable horsepower
Hello Fresh delivered them. Mutant carrots. So long, thick and hard, they would be too big even for the hardest of hard core porn movies.
Beer over knees
Sometimes life forces hard choices; some choices are easy.
Pumpkin house
For Jerry Seinfeld, it was cabinets — for me it was paint. Gary can paint it any color you want. You just have to “say” what you want.
Natural state
My father’s family, the MacNamaras, had a great saying: “Never stand when you can sit. Never sit when you can lay down.”
I’m dreaming of a white tortilla
We’ve been married for more than 35 years. It almost ended this past Christmas Eve.
Broke ass Boy
A month before his wedding, my son took 15 of his best friends on a bachelor party trip that included surfing in San Diego and at least one day trip to Tijuana.
“Our Story” — rewrite from the groom’s father
Fucking weddings have gotten even more complicated. Now you have to have a website with invitations, RSVP’s, maps, shit to do, the mandatory shopping lists (registry) and the obligatory “Our Story.”
Somehow it became my job to review my son’s website and send him feedback and corrections (thanks to the project management skills of the wife). Mostly around “Our Story,” because his story is not as good as his cousin’s (who just got married Sept. 29).
Family IT Guy
Listen my children, pick your career wisely. Nobody ever thinks about how many of your friends and family will expect “free service” for whatever skills you may
The emperor has ugly toes
I don’t like strangers touching me. It took me years to learn how to enjoy a haircut. “You are going to love it,” the wife said in a way we both knew was a lie.
The upside-down
It was Fourth of July weekend — 105+ degrees — and the Boy’s air conditioner went kaput.
Today ain’t your birthday, Boy
The Boy made one little change on Facebook, and it sent the Savages into a tizzy.
Putin and other neighbors
Most of my neighbors are so fucked up I can barely look them in the eye, but the Bear and the boy keep dragging me into conversations with them.
Thanks-grilling
About 30 Savages invaded the Bear’s home on Thursday — yes it was Thanksgiving. We had shish-kaboobs outside in 90-degree heat at 1 p.m
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