The Blame Game
A couple of friends of mine recently split up, and it made me think that we are just a fucked up species.
Human extinction — let me count the ways
Since I was a child hiding under my desk at school “practicing for World War III,” I’ve known the “end is near.” It didn’t start with me. We have all “known it” for a long time.
Fat Biker: Bugs
How can you spot a happy bikers? Count the bugs in their teeth.
I know that’s an old terrible joke… but it sort of applies to bicycles too. I’ve swallowed my share of “free protein” — especially riding at night.
Phallic smile
I recently took my 15th final farewell trip to the third world racquet club in Tucson. I learned something that may change the way I look at a small part of life — forever. Once you hear this story, it’s going to mess you up too.
Deadwood Walking
If you are ever feeling fat and old, go to Deadwood, South Dakota in the summer. Look around the casino, walk the streets. It’s better than time travel.
Celebrate Our Heritage — Updated
During news coverage of the white nationalists shouting in Charlotte, I heard one really good idea. Yeah, surprised me too.
Of course it was coming from a mouth-breathing racist, so it’s taken me a long time to reconsider if I really agreed with him.
He was standing near a confederate statue and screaming: “This is my heritage. My family fought to save our farm.”
Dick moves of the Musk
I’ve been hearing how smart artificial intelligence and machine learning “is” since 2008. It seems to be on everybody’s lips 15 years later with chats and pictures coming from a machine that are as good or better than people.
I still wince at the claims.
Not in front of the children
Grown-ass men tell me to “watch my language” when kids are around. Fuck that.
Pickleball confession
I have a whole category of rants about how bad “Pickleball Sucks,” but I must confess (like Katy Perry) I played a pickleball game, and I liked it.
Fat Biker Problems – School Zones
The worst part of road biking: flat tires. Fat guys get a shit ton of flat tires. The last two were annoying little piss ant slow leaks
Hot conspiracy
I believe my friends have entered in a conspiracy with my wife and the Lord… to kill me.
Dick moves of the omnipotent
If the myth of the god of Abraham is true, he’s got a lot of explaining to do.
Grandpa storytime
Did I tell you the wife and I are going to be grandparents? Blossom Savage is due in June.
Disposable horsepower
Hello Fresh delivered them. Mutant carrots. So long, thick and hard, they would be too big even for the hardest of hard core porn movies.
Pumpkin house
For Jerry Seinfeld, it was cabinets — for me it was paint. Gary can paint it any color you want. You just have to “say” what you want.
KieranHumor.com 