The wife and I have been together for nearly 40 years — she has been threatening my life for a full 4 decades. I never took her fake plans seriously until this Easter. It had nothing to do with Jesus rolling a stone. It was about hamburgers. I’m […]
After 4 years together, I’ve been forced to distance myself from what my wife calls “the love of my life” — the tiger-striped chiweenie. It’s been very difficult for me, and after nearly a year of effort, we haven’t gotten very far apart. Like most things in my […]
I frequently get reminders of just how old I’ve become (at this remarkably young age of 62), and nothing sends that message faster than all the bullshit marketing hoopla surrounding Artificial Intelligence.
“I just had an epiphany that could make us rich (or you anyway) and it’s in your skill set.” text message from Larry Ward at 3 a.m. on March 16…
I promised the wife I would never write this story, but Tuesday’s a coming and I got nothing else. She and the 95-year-old house elf were about to enable my cookie addiction with a brand new batch of sugar cookies for Easter. As usual, I was in the […]
My democratic friends have been wetting their beds for weeks over the latest polls. The NY Times, CNN, FOX polls are all showing the twice-impeached-four-times-indicted, orange, Putin-puppet tied or in a lead for the oldest horse race in presidential history. Just when you thought they couldn’t get any […]
This was too fine a piece to end up on the cutting room floor. If you waited for your hairs to turn gray before trying yoga — you know exactly what Stephen Metcalfe is talking about. If you like this “lost chapter” you should really buy the book. […]
Who knew a basic text could make me cry. Gathering up a foursome to play tennis doubles, I sent a quick thread to the Tuesday regulars looking for a game. I included the two Bobs. You know Happy Bob — the no-longer lawyer who no longer has to […]
Watching too much of the news has been making the wife anxious. Just when some “good news” made her feel just a bit better again, I had to ruin it. As our slow unsteady descent into a potential dictatorship plays out across each day’s “headlines,” finally there was […]
Phoenix is thinking about building a $5 billion desalination plant and pipeline to bring water from the Sea of Cortez to the Sonoran Desert. Maybe it’s a good idea, but from what I’ve heard, it’s shitty execution. A pipeline through Organ Pipe National forest — fucking stupid. I […]
What the fuck is wrong with Arizona? Too much to list, but what specifically made Lewis Black skip an entire state? I was forced to leave my fucked up state to fly to Reno to see Señor Black on this “farewell tour. “ Unfortunately, that meant I had […]
I used to be a fat biker… but now I’m worse. I’m a fat biker who only rides with his dog. Don’t laugh too much, odds are my dog rides more hours a year than you. Like most things life changing, it started as a joke. We bought a little […]
I married a woman to get to her mother — specifically her mother’s chocolate chip cookies. Baked with love and just a touch of crack. The House Elf cookies are good warm, or frozen, served with coffee in the morning or red wine in the afternoon. They are a […]
They are the hardest words to say in a marriage: Harder than “I was wrong.” I had to say, “You were right.
After three months of rocking, bobbing, holding and cajoling, my kid finally followed my brother’s advice.
“You know when I was in Africa” (in the Peace Corp), my brother told me 35 years ago. “We just put the babies in the other room and closed the door. They will eventually fall asleep.”
