For those of you who don’t know, Lewis Black reads rants — on his podcast and after his live shows. I’ve been lucky enough to have him read a few.

I’ve linked the ones that YouTube copyright will allow me to steal. Below the links I’ll give you my best tips to get your words read by one of America’s best comedians.

First is the audio from his podcast telling the story of me wearing one of his hats in Fountain Hills, Arizona.

Several of the Lewis Black videos I lifted from his site were taken down in the copyright wars…

Below are the videos, YouTube has not attacked.

How did I get Lewis Black to do this?

Lewis reads rants at the end of every one of his shows. For you writers who want to give it a try — submit your rants and watch the live feed here:

https://www.lewisblack.com/live

But the competition is pretty fierce.  There’s usually 1000 people in every audience, and he begs them to write in before the show. There’s another 2000-5000 regular viewers on the Internet.  Many of them write in too.

On a good night he will read 10 rants, and maybe only two over 100 words each.

A few hints

• Join the FUCKU fan club — https://www.lewisblack.com/fucku
• Write about the area or the culture where he is performing
• Check his schedule here: https://www.lewisblack.com/shows
• Write about teachers or veterans — he loves them
• Write about something weird that only pisses you off and no one else on the planet — he read two rants about pickles
• Get creative with your cursing — “twat waffle” worked
• Keep it under 350 words if you can
• Something better be fucking funny in the first two sentences
• Say something that supports Trump (if you can stomach it) — he reads all of those
• Be mean to things — not people
• Go for the big finish

Good luck, and I hope you get a chance to write a rant or two and see if they make the show.  Even if they don’t, you won’t believe how good it feels to write this shit down. Your blood pressure will thank you for it.