Fat Biker: Bugs
How can you spot a happy bikers? Count the bugs in their teeth.
I know that’s an old terrible joke… but it sort of applies to bicycles too. I’ve swallowed my share of “free protein” — especially riding at night.
Phallic smile
I recently took my 15th final farewell trip to the third world racquet club in Tucson. I learned something that may change the way I look at a small part of life — forever. Once you hear this story, it’s going to mess you up too.
Iron What?
Ironing is fucking stupid and dangerous, and we should all stop it.
PROMOTION!
Originally posted on Stephen Metcalfe:
Promotion. Look it up. “An activity that supports or provides active encouragement for the furtherance of a cause, venture, or aim.” Or more to the point – “the publicization of a product so as to increase sales or public awareness”. In this case,…
Hot conspiracy
I believe my friends have entered in a conspiracy with my wife and the Lord… to kill me.
Shitty book holder
I got a new job this year, but I still kinda suck at it. Maybe I will get better with age.
Grandpa storytime
Did I tell you the wife and I are going to be grandparents? Blossom Savage is due in June.
Carol Baskins – Pocket Rocket
My tiger-striped chiweenie (possibly a chug) has a secret. Most Saturdays when the weather is nice, she pretends to be an athlete.
Pumpkin house
For Jerry Seinfeld, it was cabinets — for me it was paint. Gary can paint it any color you want. You just have to “say” what you want.
Fat Biker Problems
Everybody else loses weight when they ride a bike. Not me. I’ve ridden more than 35,000 miles since 2010, and I just keep getting fatter and fatter.
Broke ass Boy
A month before his wedding, my son took 15 of his best friends on a bachelor party trip that included surfing in San Diego and at least one day trip to Tijuana.
Head Case
I was denied summer camp as a child. I skipped the college dorm life. For a few years, I filled the camp/dorm fake nostalgia with Newks tennis camp.
Bicycle repair man
For 10 years of cycling, my mantra was always: “I don’t want to fix my bike, I just want to ride it.”
Old wedding
Recently, I got a new taste for what they mean by Sweet Home Chicago.
“Our Story” — rewrite from the groom’s father
Fucking weddings have gotten even more complicated. Now you have to have a website with invitations, RSVP’s, maps, shit to do, the mandatory shopping lists (registry) and the obligatory “Our Story.”
Somehow it became my job to review my son’s website and send him feedback and corrections (thanks to the project management skills of the wife). Mostly around “Our Story,” because his story is not as good as his cousin’s (who just got married Sept. 29).
KieranHumor.com 