The wife and I have been together for nearly 40 years — she has been threatening my life for a full 4 decades. I never took her fake plans seriously until this Easter. It had nothing to do with Jesus rolling a stone. It was about hamburgers. I’m […]
After 4 years together, I’ve been forced to distance myself from what my wife calls “the love of my life” — the tiger-striped chiweenie. It’s been very difficult for me, and after nearly a year of effort, we haven’t gotten very far apart. Like most things in my […]
“I just had an epiphany that could make us rich (or you anyway) and it’s in your skill set.” text message from Larry Ward at 3 a.m. on March 16…
I promised the wife I would never write this story, but Tuesday’s a coming and I got nothing else. She and the 95-year-old house elf were about to enable my cookie addiction with a brand new batch of sugar cookies for Easter. As usual, I was in the […]
My democratic friends have been wetting their beds for weeks over the latest polls. The NY Times, CNN, FOX polls are all showing the twice-impeached-four-times-indicted, orange, Putin-puppet tied or in a lead for the oldest horse race in presidential history. Just when you thought they couldn’t get any […]
Who knew a basic text could make me cry. Gathering up a foursome to play tennis doubles, I sent a quick thread to the Tuesday regulars looking for a game. I included the two Bobs. You know Happy Bob — the no-longer lawyer who no longer has to […]
Watching too much of the news has been making the wife anxious. Just when some “good news” made her feel just a bit better again, I had to ruin it. As our slow unsteady descent into a potential dictatorship plays out across each day’s “headlines,” finally there was […]
What the fuck is wrong with Arizona? Too much to list, but what specifically made Lewis Black skip an entire state? I was forced to leave my fucked up state to fly to Reno to see Señor Black on this “farewell tour. “ Unfortunately, that meant I had […]
I married a woman to get to her mother — specifically her mother’s chocolate chip cookies. Baked with love and just a touch of crack. The House Elf cookies are good warm, or frozen, served with coffee in the morning or red wine in the afternoon. They are a […]
They are the hardest words to say in a marriage: Harder than “I was wrong.” I had to say, “You were right.
After three months of rocking, bobbing, holding and cajoling, my kid finally followed my brother’s advice.
“You know when I was in Africa” (in the Peace Corp), my brother told me 35 years ago. “We just put the babies in the other room and closed the door. They will eventually fall asleep.”
Now is the time of year when the faithful forget about their one day of the year to do good (Christmas) and turn their attention to their final tax deductions.
In a pathetic attempt to find more bullshit readers, I’ve copied some of these rants onto Substack — the latest web craze that converted “blogs” into “newsletters” and makes people pay for their content.
Out of the ashes of that slanted and biased journalism that used to be controlled through the cost of printing shit on paper (or later hiring a digital team to create a complex website) rose Substack. Pulling personalities and writers of all stripes out of their collective holes and onto a platform that made it “easy” to market and collect subscriptions. I particularly enjoy reading Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.
Build an email list, beg for donations (“buy me a coffee” buttons are popular) and abracadabra some writers can make a living on the internet.
I found out last week “some writers” includes Nazis.
Update: March 10, 2024 Watch Lewis Black read this rant. Lewis read this at the end of his show in Omaha, Nebraska. The rant about corn that follows is much funnier, but I’m glad my little unfunny story made the cut. Notice the intro: where Lewis has to […]
George Orwell got it slightly wrong. Big Brother is not a totalitarian political dictator, he’s the tech nerd trying to “make your life better.”
We know Facebook and Google make their money selling data about us. There’s billions in knowing who you are, who you know, what you do and where you go.
