Phallic smile
I recently took my 15th final farewell trip to the third world racquet club in Tucson. I learned something that may change the way I look at a small part of life — forever. Once you hear this story, it’s going to mess you up too.
Not in front of the children
Grown-ass men tell me to “watch my language” when kids are around. Fuck that.
Pickleball confession
I have a whole category of rants about how bad “Pickleball Sucks,” but I must confess (like Katy Perry) I played a pickleball game, and I liked it.
Correcting your kids
If another adult “disciplines” your kid, the right response is embarassment — you are raising a little fucker who did something wrong. Just apologize and then shut your mouth.
Bloody Anti-inflammatory
I can usually have a good night if I can just get my drugs right. It’s not as easy as it sounds.
You Can't Handle the Truth
I was drinking with a few friends at the 3rd world racquet club last week. I told them about a neighbor when I was a kid in Akron, Ohio. They didn’t like it…
Fuck Quiet Tennis
I love playing tennis, but I only “tolerate” watching it. I’d love to be a fan, if I could scream obscenities, dress up like an idiot and bring in…
Had enough
You know you have had enough of a long weekend party with the Pendejos when it’s Sunday and…
Head Case
I was denied summer camp as a child. I skipped the college dorm life. For a few years, I filled the camp/dorm fake nostalgia with Newks tennis camp.
Dry Fit
Tennis players are a bunch of cheap bastards, and for 40 years, I fit right in. But then I made the mistake of taking the wife to Indian Wells.
Fat Biker: Lazy Landscapers
It’s been 30 years of political battles to get cities to build bike lanes. And then the god damn cyclists ride right next to the white line.
The Nelson Step
Look down when you are leaving the bar at the 3rd world racquet club — one of these steps is not like the others. It’s blonde and has a slightly different pattern
Pathetic Hopeless Alcoholic
Hi, my name is Kieran, and I am a pathetic, hopeless alcoholic — at least according to the wife I am.
The world’s newest profession
It’s the end of the world as we know it. Pickleball has not only gone professional, but there are 3 pro leagues. I shit you not. Adults can pick up a paddle and win prize money for hitting a whiffle ball over a net. This has to be […]
My white emergency
I was surfing Youtube and laughing along at this Color of Change video, when I suddenly had my own white emergency.
KieranHumor.com 