Lewis Black Harassment
Lewis Black hates tennis. But he closed a show in Austin, Texas a few years ago with a little tale I wrote about the John Newcombe Tennis Ranch. I just found a copy of the video, so I’m reposting it.
Tippy-toe
We were sitting at a table of 6. Squeezed between 5 tables in a crowded dining space on the first night of our group tour of Italy. Here on the Lido (near Venice) the tour provided two bottles of wine per table — one white, one red. Everybody at our table was drinking red.
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Volare ohhh no
On the tour in Italy, the wife only wanted to add a few “excursions.” The first was a gondola ride in Venice. “I’ve always wanted to do that,” she said like something in our 36 years of marriage was missing…
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Spatial Awareness
For two years I have carefully conducted my own survey of spatial awareness…
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Shitty book holder
I got a new job this year, but I still kinda suck at it. Maybe I will get better with age.
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Grandpa storytime
Did I tell you the wife and I are going to be grandparents? Blossom Savage is due in June.
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Old wedding
Recently, I got a new taste for what they mean by Sweet Home Chicago.
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Smile, Fucker
#MeToo, rape culture and related tags have been powerful reminders that many men are just shit factories. And women are forced to wade through their waist-deep crap almost every day.
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The emperor has ugly toes
I don’t like strangers touching me. It took me years to learn how to enjoy a haircut. “You are going to love it,” the wife said in a way we both knew was a lie.
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The price of kindness
If everyone is a whore and it’s just a negotiation over price, I learned I have a total value of one cold beer.
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The Shit Show — Updated
One of the family secrets that I did not know until recently — my mother used to call us: “The Shit Show.”
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The power of spinning
Imagine if we actually could make the dead spin in their graves…
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Asexual merges
During this fucking pandemic, I think I forgot how to do it. But I’m not the only one.
In order for me to get off, you need to get on…
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Haircut tips
Don’t call it fucking “hair styling” or going to a “stylist” — pushing 60, I’m back to sporting the same haircut I had when I was 6.
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Whose dream is it anyway
I’ve been married so long, I’m starting to dream that I’m cheating on her… I’m not fucking kidding. Woke up in a hot sweat, half covered with a down blanket and fully wrapped in guilt.
