#MeToo, rape culture and related tags have been powerful reminders that many men are just shit factories. And women are forced to wade through their waist-deep crap almost every day.
I don’t like strangers touching me. It took me years to learn how to enjoy a haircut. “You are going to love it,” the wife said in a way we both knew was a lie.
If everyone is a whore and it’s just a negotiation over price, I learned I have a total value of one cold beer.
One of the family secrets that I did not know until recently — my mother used to call us: “The Shit Show.”
Imagine if we actually could make the dead spin in their graves…
During this fucking pandemic, I think I forgot how to do it. But I’m not the only one.
In order for me to get off, you need to get on…
Don’t call it fucking “hair styling” or going to a “stylist” — pushing 60, I’m back to sporting the same haircut I had when I was 6.
I’ve been married so long, I’m starting to dream that I’m cheating on her… I’m not fucking kidding. Woke up in a hot sweat, half covered with a down blanket and fully wrapped in guilt.
Old people often look back on their youth as a simpler time. That’s bullshit. Life was complicated as soon as we dropped out of the trees and walked across the savannah on our hind legs.
Civilization is created by women. Without them, it’s Lord of the Flies with more testosterone and back hair.
Lewis Black hates tennis. But he closed his show in Austin, Texas on Friday, Nov. 22 with a little tale about the John Newcombe Tennis Ranch. (video)
Recently I noticed a small thing about the Bear that has been driving me a bit crazy.
Whenever she refers to any thing about me or the things I like, she always adds this one adjective.
Some old white guys hate taxes and never want to fund government research. Some old white guys are fucking idiots.
There’s a list of advantages to only spending weekends with the spouse. Surprise visits is not one of them.
My father is 88 years old. His biggest problem in the world is keeping his hometown girlfriend from meeting his traveling girlfriend.