“Chacha,” an anonymous and apparently literary genius of the internet, gave this bullshit it’s first “real” bad review.
Chacha, the great
By bad review, I mean Chacha didn’t like my bullshit — not that its* opinion was wrong. Actually, that’s a good observation.
I do quibble with the “That’s no bullshit…” sentence. Predictable, brainless and worthless is an excellent definition of bullshit.
If I had to document the goals and definitions for writing all this crap, words and phrases like “predictable, brainless and bringing nothing to the table” would have made the list. That’s kind of the point of a “bullshit blog.”
In fact, I’m thinking of changing my tagline from:
Not suitable for children, the sensitive or those hoping to get into heaven
Kieran’s Bullshit Humor
To:
“Predictable, brainless and brings nothing to the table.”
At least if “Chacha” had clicked on that line from The Bloggess website, Chacha would have nothing to bitch about. What’s the hater comment gonna be: “your tagline is concise and accurate.”
As for the “certainly no humor” ending. Respect.
Humor is in the belly of the beholder. You either think it’s funny or it’s not.
Sometimes I think my bullshit is funny, most of the time I don’t. Often it’s just fucking depressing. But I don’t know what other category to put these thoughts in. Most things suck. We need to try to laugh or we spend our lives weeping and coiled up in a corner. I prefer sitting, with a drink in my hand — so “humor” it is. You, gentle reader, can call it what you want.
Celebrities, stars and the popular often complain about the haters. I confess, I’ve been a little bit jealous.
For 3 years, I’ve put a lot of angry, nasty and arrogant thoughts out into the world. I’ve insulted just about everyone I know with obscene or fake names and describing their imagined dirty deeds with more than a little hyperbole.
Readers have responded with kindness, thanks and good cheer. Except Geno and Gibson, but everyone knows those two are the bookends on the shelf labeled “fucking idiots.”
I felt like a failure. I spew out a 1000-words a week, and all the haters just passed me by like I’m a homeless man with a sign that’s too small to read.
I’m sure they read a few of my bullshit lines and bounced… I couldn’t even make anyone mad enough to type back one angry sentence. What a loser.
Then Chacha dances to the rescue with two little sentences of criticism. Too bad Chacha didn’t leave a link. No blog, no website, no email for me to write back.
I just want to tell Chacha, I finally made it. After 3 long years of trying, I finally arrived.
Because I’m good enough, I’m smart enough and gosh darn it, one person took the time to be my first hater…
- I say “its” because I don’t know the gender of Chacha. Growing up “Kieran” makes me hesitate to guess. I fucking refuse to use “they” — this is only one hater and I don’t want to get my hopes up that there will be more.
Welcome. It is no match for the haters I’ve accumulated, but you have to start somewhere!
Thanks… I don’t know how I got so far behind you in the hate count. I’m a much bigger asshole than you will ever be.
Well, for one thing, as I said, I’ve been at it much longer. So far as comparing who is the biggest asshole, I will humbly concede that point. I would put a smiley here, but I can’t figure out how, so here’s this: 🙂
Gomer Pyle, you can’t claim to have your first hater and then turn around and say goat fucking Geno and I have no thanks, kindness or good cheer regarding your blogs. That is a contradiction and even a first year college student would fail a basic course in logic with this reasoning. I also object to the no good cheer accusation. I have lots of good cheer when you talk about crustaceans, guys on your pussy list, “hippy” Wayne (Master Yoda), or Ravi uno. I’ll end with a quote from Ravi Zacharias, “Even in India we look both ways before crossing the street. It’s either the bus or me, not both of us.” Either goat fucking Geno and I make the list or Chacha is your first hater.
Chacha wins first hater. You two are just disagreeable idiots. Not haters. I can make my own categories with shades of gray. The whole world doesn’t have to be back and white Boolean choices.
Even worse than the hater is the” ignorer” – the one you to whom you might as well not exist. Do our words exist if nobody reads them? I never gave a shit when people gave me money to write them. I would also suggest that writing your “bullshit” is a way of hiding intellect and heart behind humor. But what do I know. sm
I’ve hidden it all very well. So much so only the inventive can find it.
Oh, you wanted public scorn? You should have said something. I talk shit about you all the time.
Talking shit is love not hate. Just throwing out an insult and running away is the way of the troll named Chacha… You have been hanging around for the longest time. Remember back in 2017 when we were young and had ambition to write? Before 2020 aged us a decade into these homebound people who hardly ever post.
Shit, I didn’t know haters were something to be coveted. I’d better get busy in my settings, unblocking all those bastards.
I’m finally somebody. I have one hater.
I really like the second tag line. Always good to set the bar low and then surprise the reader.
Yeah — it’s growing on me too — but two people have told me they like the original one. So that’s 2 votes to 1…
Don’t know about assholes and haters and all that, though there was this Republican bike rider who kept bragging about his bike riding, being thinner, and accusing me of being liberal (ooh, you so got me! I’m guilty as charged and proud of it, you mother fucking, knuckle dragging, mouth breather!). But this comes to mind, and certainly I’m a big idiot in a variety of ways, biking, blogging, etc. For example how many months until I found out that I actually can like your blog if I click through to it?
JERRY: ‘Cause I’m an idiot! You may think you’re an idiot, but with all due respect – I’m a much bigger idiot than you are.
GEORGE: Don’t insult me, my friend. Remember who you’re talking to. No one’s a bigger idiot than me…. For I am Costanza, Lord of the Idiots!
I say if you have a hater that’s better than an idiot. It’s like a stalker, and yes, you should be happy, because at least someone’s paying attention. You also have a wife, Kieran, so unless she’s only a hater and not a lover at least some of the time, I guess you’re doing something right.
Thanks to you jerry and George. I never put the wife in hater category. Killer maybe. Hater no.
Your first hater! Now go eat a cupcake because that’s what you do every time this happens. I’ve eaten lots and lots of cupcakes.
Yes Ma’am. But I will make mine a cookie (or 12) from my Savage mother-in-law. Chocolate chips, nuts, and just enough crack to keep you coming back…
thanks for information
This blog is the best -except when it wont let me leave comments. I blame that on shitty wix though.
You got the warning sign on the first page. I admit it kind of made the whole thing more attractive to me. I like my comedy like my knives -edgy. Or maybe thats my grass.
Beer -beir , potato -pohtahtoe.
Keep on posting this bullshit like a champion for us little guys in offices somewhere where the calls quit coming in at 2:30 and we just wait till 5 to be released back into the wild.
Shine on you crazy diamond!
Butterpants
Thanks for all the feedback. Comments get shut down on the older posts. It’s a Wix/Wordpress bullshit thing that I haven’t bothered to figure out. Nobody including the wife reads the old stuff. Feel free to share this crazy shit with your imprisoned cube mates.