Bad Tech

Suck It Tech Giants

Throwback Thursday.  I ranted about these tech giants in 2018.  Guess what only a few names and dates have changed, but the story remains the same.

Facebook, Apple and Google — guess what, we hate you like you were the phone company or the post office in 1975.

That’s the price of success. You aging white dudes can dress like lovable little douchebag millennials with your black T-shirts and girl’s jeans, but you are now The Big Brother who steals our secrets and uses it to suck cash from our wallets like we gave birth to you.

big brother knows best

Sure, sure you can blame us, your customers, for “liking” your easy interfaces, your instant search results and your “cool” shit. You can bathe in the knowledge that many of us even loved you — once.

But Yoda was right — “passion” can turn to hate. When you started selling out our friends, giving away our attention to the highest bidder, and forcing us to update you against our will — you turned to the dark side.

You became Ma Bell and General Motors all rolled into a neat tech ball of shit. You didn’t notice from your hipster hideout in “Silicon Valley,” talking to each other like you are “disrupters”, but you have become the “Man”.

I thought you knew you were the capitalist pigs and that we hated you.

Don’t believe me? Google – “Apple” or “Facebook” or “Google”, add “sucks” and there is page after page of results. But you shitheads never looked.

Know how I can tell? By this nutty response:

It’s CEO Tim Cook acting like we all love Apple and it’s so “good” compared to the “morally corrupt Facebook”. This fucking guy is the one who is forcing us all to swallow updates we don’t want and slowing down our phones and computers until we buy new ones.

He’s not selling our data. He’s just holding it hostage in the iCloud.

Apple Business Model

“That’s a really good looking set of family pictures you got there in iCloud. Be a shame if they all disappeared… You don’t want any trouble from us. Just buy the new iPhone for $1000 or shit could break — know what I mean?”

That’s why I say: “Fuck You Cell Phone”. I highly suspect Apple is doing that same move to kill the battery and speed with its laptops too. Why not? Chevy and Buick used to do the same thing with water pumps. Don’t make them last too long, otherwise you lose revenue on the parts.

Now everybody is so pissed at Facebook, they are dragging Fuckerberg in front of Congress today. Facebook could be the new My Space.

Things are so fucked up – we all go to Twitter to post our little thoughts. We already know that Facebook is full of propaganda, and it’s selling my shit to every huckster on the planet.

Why is nobody talking about Google? No one else seems to notice those assholes are driving all the ad revenue on the internet. Want to keep your company going? You better pay off Google like it’s the Genovese Family.

Otherwise you get dropped by the “algorithm change” to the ass end of search results — and no one will dig that deep to find your site.

Talk about data. Google has it all. You know damn well they are selling it to the highest bidder — Russian spy or not. All those expensive servers don’t pay for themselves.

I’m pissed at these companies, but I’m not one of those nut jobs that’s heading to the Walmart to buy an AR-15. That kind of shit has got to stop. (Although I could use a rocket launcher to solve that problem with my neighbor’s rooster…)

Anyway, Facebook, Apple and Google – time to put on your big boy pants and own up to your responsibilities. Because, Goddamn it, we should regulate your asses until you behave — or you get replaced by someone who will.

1 reply »