Broke ass Boy

A month before his wedding, my son took 15 of his best friends on a bachelor party trip that included surfing in San Diego and at least one day trip to Tijuana.

As soon as he got back, our shared Amazon account popped up with a new purchase for a “prostate pillow.”

“I swear to gawd honey,” it’s not mine, I told the wife.

The next day the boy limped into our house. We debated about asking him about the pillow. Maybe we really didn’t want to know what happened on this boy’s trip.

But the curiosity was killing us.

“So what’s up with the pillow?” the wife asked in the most innocent of voices.

“I think I broken my ass on the water-slide in Tijuana,” the Boy said, like that’s something that has happened to everybody.

Stole the image from here. I don’t know if it’s the same waterpark and slide that claimed my son’s injury, but close enough.

“Maybe it’s just a bruise, or maybe I broke the tailbone,” he said. “Either way I’ll just have to walk it off.”

He went on to explain the multitude of injuries to the rest of the bachelor party.

Karch got bruises all over his arms and down the right side of his ass and leg. Will almost broke an arm. Brent probably needs shoulder surgery.

We didn’t ask about the others, but when we checked in with the 9 groomsmen at the rehearsal dinner (yes 9…) they all had a scar and a story to share. Of course I can’t remember them all, because the wife and I were two tequilas into the night before anyone else showed up.

The bridesmaids went on a different trip. They had dinner on the sand around Lake Tahoe and spent their long weekend in the casino’s and sailing around the lake.

Of course during our speech at the rehearsal dinner, we had to mention the boy broke his ass at a bachelor party.

It did not come as a surprise to his crowd of friends, although our family members just looked at each other in wonder…

After we paid for the rehearsal dinner, and the Boy and his new wife paid for the rest of the wedding, the phrase broke-ass Boy has taken on a new meaning.

They won’t be taking a honeymoon trip. They blew all of their cash on the singles’ parties before the ceremony.

“I need some time to heal,” the Boy said.

Don’t we all.

4 replies »

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.