As an ancient (former) “marketer,” I must admit I’ve long been baffled by what “influencers” do. After my latest “encounter” with one, I’m still baffled, and now I’m a little bit pissed.

I joined the “gram” more or less against my will. I had spent a few years on the shit hole that was Twitter only to watch it spiral further and further into the X sewer. I went looking for a new social platform to spew this blog bullshit. (What’s a writer without readers?) Tried Mastodon. Looked like Twitter, but didn’t have many users.

Facebook business account sucked me into instagram. I like the pictures and videos, and the algorithm is good at finding reels on my worst weaknesses: comedians, cycling and small dogs.

The gram hasn’t done anything to boost this bullshit, but I stayed for the singing chihuahua’s.

Then the private messaging started. A woman followed me. Then messaged me “how are you” for 4 days in a row.

Did I go to high school with her? Did I work with her 15 years ago?

I made the mistake of answering without checking her profile. I thought it would be easier to type a few words than read a bio, and who knows, this might be a new reader. I thought wrong.

Over the next two days, she hit me with 4 new messages, telling me she’s from London and asking about the “weather over there.”

“This time of year… it’s satan’s kitchen,” I responded. Hoping that would end any religious recruitment, but might interest someone in my anti-theist collection.

It didn’t. She wasn’t a Jehovah’s Witness or Scientologist. It was much worse.

“I’m into wealth diversification using digital currencies-crypto/bitcoin. Familiar with those?”

Here’s how that conversation went.

And yes, I’m one of those “men who think about the Roman Empire.” Specifically how the Roman Republic was undermined by “billionaires” and eventually even their entire Empire succumbed to Christians with a political agenda and plunged us into the Dark Ages for a thousand years… The echo to the modern world is enough to give a thinking person a headache.

I thought the Roman reference would throw her off. I thought the clear language about the evils of crypto would drive her away…

It didn’t:

This went on for a while. Her trying to get me to invest through a weird mix of anti-government conspiracies and free market theory. Me explaining that she was spending her life on bullshit that was likely fueling crime and would end in absolute failure. I didn’t bother to open the “photo” of her portfolio.

After I tired of the fight, I checked her bio.

Jesus if this doesn’t scream selfish twit. Then I checked the pictures. The tons and tons of pictures. Just a small sample:

Influencer roll of travel shots as a model.

So obviously her business model is to suck in old guys with photos for the gram then scam them out of some (or all) of their money on crypto trades. Is “obsessed with tacos” a metaphor for girl-on-girl action?

Nice work if you can get it, but there’s nothing honest about this. I just feel sorry for the guys who end up paying for her travels, her wardrobe and her make-up.

Welcome to the modern day social media entrepreneur.

I still don’t know what an influencer does, but this shit looks sketchy to me. A modern-day schemer with a camera and a few Russians running her crypto account. Let’s see if she can ride this career into retirement…