One of the family secrets that I did not know until recently — my mother used to call us: “The Shit Show.”
I was walking Carol Baskins, when I bumped into my wife’s boss (the principal). “She really can’t wait to get Carol in her classroom,” the boss said. “She talks about it all the time.”
In the battle of the Bullshit blog nicknames, I was confident I had picked a winner. Surprise, I fucked that up.
I’ve been married so long, I’m starting to dream that I’m cheating on her… I’m not fucking kidding. Woke up in a hot sweat, half covered with a down blanket and fully wrapped in guilt.
Turns out the woman who I have referred to as “The Bear” on the internet for the past three years is not an animal at all.
She’s my Sugar Mama… showering me with all of that sweet, sweet teacher money.
Some men show love and affection through jewelry and flowers. Some men buy houses and cars.
I showed my love through eating.
Originally posted on Stephen Metcalfe:
? In my house, my place of escape, refuge, privacy, contemplation and uninterrupted reading is on the toilet. When the going gets tough, the tough get going and I go to the bathroom. Excuse me, I’ll say! I have to go sit for…
I don’t need no IQ test to tell how stupid people think I am. I just need the Bear to leave for a few days.
The Bear came down from Gilbert, and she was looking for a bowl to steal.
This crazy lady I met on the internet asked if I would write something for her blog. Unlike all the other lifestyle and recipe blogs, she rants and swears with the best of them. Unlike my bullshit, there’s a lot more to her stuff than just anger and insults.
So, I could only hope to put some bullshit together that would fit on her page. And sadly this is the best I could do.
You can read it on her page:
It was my niece’s wedding, and Shannon is not submitting to nobody, nowhere. She came out of the womb screaming like a banshee, and that screaming for shit didn’t stop until she learned how to talk.
A couple of friends of mine recently split up, and it made me think that we are just a fucked up species.
Don’t look. Tell me what color your dishwasher is.