I had planned on seeing Lewis Black for more than two years. His 2020 show — cancelled, Covid. His 2021 show — cancelled, Lewis had a health issue.

As soon as the 2022 dates came out, I got the FUCKu fan club seats. Oct. 1 in Phoenix. 

But my goddamn nephew decided to get married in Chicago in September. Sept. 30th that is. No worries. Show is not until October. A week before we fly, the wife says… “when is Lewis Black?”

“Oct. 1,” I said with the confidence of a practiced event planner…

“You know we are going to be in Chicago…” she said with that all-knowing snark she has perfected over the past 35 years.

We already had the non-refundable flight for Chicago. Return flight Sunday, Oct. 2.

Shit. FUCKu site says no refunds or transfers. Don’t want people getting the fan deal and then selling the tickets on the black market…

I’m pissed, but there’s no one else to blame. I tried to take it out on the wife, but she gave me that teacher side eye – lost before I started.

I was considering a rant blaming Lewis for scheduling his shit when I had other shit to do. He should know better by now…

But it’s a self-inflicted wound. Maybe if I had popped my Prevagen the magical jelly fish goo would have reminded me there are only 30 days in September….

I emailed and begged the Lewis Black people to let me give the tickets away. They reluctantly agreed.  I put in the name of Mark and Michelle MacFarland. Free show for those fuckers. 

And now I know who to blame for my misfortune. While I’m choking down wedding leftovers and making nice with my least favorite sibling, Michelle and Mark will be laughing it up in the Celebrity Theatre like the new fucking King Charles and what’s her name…

Sitting in their free front row seats, drinking cheap wine and talking about what a dumb ass I am.

On Friday night, I let my nephew know his nuptials screwed this up for me. He just shrugged and walked away like he didn’t actually care… but I’ll save the real rant for those God Damn MacFarlands. Sitting there smiling on my dime and at my expense.

Enjoy the show you free-loading bastards. I’m running out of nephews so this is likely to be the last one on me.