Faithful deductions

Now is the time of year when the faithful forget about their one day of the year to do good (Christmas) and turn their attention to their final tax deductions.

Forget about feeding the homeless or the holiday gifts to the local food bank — we just did that didn’t we? Dropping off that turkey surely should have solved that problem by now.

Remember there’s only a few business days to get all your tax deductions in a row. 

It’s the time when universities, colleges, and private schools close their doors to students and open wide to their last-minute donors. The letters and email campaigns started well before Thanksgiving, but most of the checks and electronic transfers come through after Santa has finished and headed to Cabo for two weeks on the sand.

The often well-paid CEO of every non-profit left for vacation weeks ago, but some underpaid manager must “mind the store” and sit in the empty office opening letters and tracing every new deposit. Thank you letters must be prompt, polite and perfect if they will ever see that donation again. The mission doesn’t matter if the donors feel “disrespected.”

This is the week preachers and priests count the holiday haul and compare the results of their bell ringing and Christmas caroling to the return on investment from the previous years. Did the end of the pandemic make donations go up or down?

Can we buy more golden chalices next year or is it going to be pewter again… Can the Catholic hospitals expand or will they have to sell out to the soulless bureaucrats of the latest “Health System.”

If the haul is down maybe a last second appeal to the better accountants of the unbelievable wealthy might be more effective than last week’s call to their better angels.

This is the week, the non-profits get non-plussed at what donations may or may not come through the door. All the “money people” work the holiday “break” at every foundation. Wasn’t this a good year in real estate — shouldn’t those landlords be throwing cash at their favorite children’s charity to move down just one tax bracket? Or is it Hedge Funds that need to cover up their guilt, fool the tax man again, and give some rounding error of a donation that will make or break their “favorite charity”?

It’s the week every father of an expectant mother hopes that baby is ready and will be born in December. A full tax deduction for only a few days of life. It’s the first and only time having that kid will make any kind of financial sense.

It’s the week politicians count their capital for the next election cycle and “without colluding” check on their super PACS to sweep up the end of the year donations and plot strategy for separating the political class from their cash next year. ”Strategy” meaning who or what will they have to sell out to be granted the few favors from the rich for screwing the middle class and starving the poor.

This may be the week Clarence Thomas and Sam Alito book their summer trip with their billionaire friends. Remember boys, it’s no longer illegal or unethical as long as you report the trip and leave no direct video or recordings of a quid pro quo.

So for all of you in the “donor class” get all your deductions and hide all your ill-gotten gains while you can. Next week is a new year, and we start this shit all over again.