I think I know a secret about the LJBTC community. I’m sharing it on this bullshit blog because I don’t think any of my 12 readers can fuck this up for me.

I was told the secret by flaccid penis Joe and his little friend Geno. They are LJBTC veterans.

I’m not sure where they learned the secret, but they have been spreading it like the pink eye Joe caught swimming in the third world pool. Or was it sitting in the jacuzzi with seven 10-year-olds?

I didn’t believe it was a secret. I thought everyone knew about the free breakfast until my latest trip to the LJBTC community.

Last year, as I checked in at the La Jolla Beach and Tennis Club (the LJBTC community) I asked for the United States Tennis Association member “free breakfast” cards. They only gave me one to last for 4 days.

That shit didn’t work. The restaurant keeps the cards. Had to go back to the front desk and get more.

Ok I thought. Lots of new staff and changes after the pandemic. But this year — they did it again. Woman at the desk gave me one card. Restaurant kept that card.

Went back to the desk. Got one more. Then I got a text from the front desk.

“Sorry, restaurant manager says they must keep the cards. I can have others sent to your room.”

I picked them up myself. I grew up in the midwest, I can’t put on airs and have the “servants” running 3 pieces of paper to my room for me — or have bell hops carry my bags. Might as well play tennis in a skirt, for fuck’s sake.

But this double mix up made me wonder…

Are the wife and I the only guests cashing in on these free pancakes? Are so few guests getting this deal, that the staff can’t figure out how to make more than one card?

I looked around the restaurant. No one else was waving their get-out-of-the-bill-free card.

This USTA special is not listed on the LJBTC website. There are no signs. We talk of it in hushed tones at check-in. If I hadn’t been getting it for the past 5 years, I would think it an urban myth. The Big Foot of breakfasts.

It’s one key reason we go to the LJBTC. We stuff ourselves in the morning — drink all afternoon and find a cheap takeout dinner. Rinse and repeat for 4 or 5 days. Makes the huge room rate easier to swallow.

USTA membership is $35 a year. Each breakfast is more than $70, we get 4 or 5 per year. That’s an 800-percent Return on Investment. Some years we go twice and double that return.

It’s the only reason I keep my membership in that corrupt organization current — although I don’t think they check. I could give the LJBTC any 9-digit number. But it looks official coming from the front of the crappy USTA app. (By the way USTA, don’t change the color and logo on your app — takes me half-an-hour to find it on my phone the only time I ever open it — during this one trip in July).

This short foray into the world of the 1-percent made me wonder if there are other “secrets” of the LJBTC.

• Do tennis umpires get free drinks on the beach?
• Do Free Masons stay free?
• Do the Illuminati get free dinners in the Marine Room?

We will never know, but now you know the secret to a free breakfast in San Diego…

NOTE: Maybe the USTA isn’t so bad after all? the answer is YES — YES IT IS…