To: The marketing department for Lewis Black and his F.U.C.K.U (Frustrated Union of Cynical Kindreds Universal) Fan Club
Subject: Disappointing Results
We regret to inform you that your marketing efforts are failing — for us. As you may already know, the Bullshit Blog has several entries to include the shit Lewis was kind enough to read in his “Rant is Due” tirades.
Well, we have done our best to drive traffic to our blog for free by tagging, hashtaging, commenting, linking and tweeting. Last month’s analytics on how people got to our site are in — it’s not looking good for your man, Lewis.
No less than 8 other tags and categories got more clicks and views than what we thought would be “the famous Mr. Lewis Black.”
Here’s a quick selection of terms that just kicked your marketing team’s ass without even trying:
- Bullshit — just the word bullshit — got 3 times the clicks. It is a very popular word, but we can guarantee bullshit does not have it’s own marketing department.
- Political Correctness — yes assholes have pushed this for a decade, but haven’t you been marketing Mr. Black for half a fucking century?
- Micro-Aggressions — a fake academic term with no real research and no advertising budget — 2 times your clicks.
- Douchebaggery — a god damn made-up word has doubled your output. It doesn’t even have it’s own website.
- Third-World Racquet Club — It’s a fucking nickname that appears no where else on the planet. It’s not a real place. It got 3 more clicks than “Lewis Black” last month.
We assume you are as shocked and disappointed as we are in these results. I know every FUCKU fan member would be disappointed to know that random bullshit is better than Lewis Black.
We can only hope you will search your marketing souls and try to find a way to redeem yourselves from such a shitty season. If the Cleveland Browns can win 7 games, surely you can beat “douchebaggery.”
Here’s the full list:
PS– The numbers are real, but this report is complete bullshit. This is not a rant about ineffective marketing by employees of Mr. Black. This is satire about internet sites (like this bullshit blog) who try to tag into the audience of more famous people (like Lewis Black) and get their knickers in a twist when it doesn’t work.