Imagine if we actually could make the dead spin in their graves…
Sure, it’s the kind of nightmare that can only be conjured by a “religious vision” or a bad mushroom. But put the terror aside for a minute and think of the business opportunities.
Anything that can spin, can power. Wind, tides and steam move turbines. Why not hook up a drive train to every casket.
Go to the graves of merry old England and blue blood New York. These were the people who printed the signs of “Irish Need Not Apply.” Put up a digital sign that shows each new baby name in town.
All those Seans, Kathleens and Liams will be worth a megawatt each. For every new “Kieran“, you will be able to hear the hum from the graveyard for a week.
But if we really want to put a dent in climate change, let’s head on down to Dixie — to the confederate grave yards.
We can put up big screen TV’s with non-stop rap videos and list the net wealth of all the participants, producers and dancers. Put the movie Black Panther on permanent repeat. You could mine bitcoin for a decade with that kind of power.
If that’s not enough, we’ll hit the Catholic and Southern Baptist graveyards. We’ll play videos of every pride parade in every town in America. We’d get more juice than a tornado whipping through a wind farm.
Too bad the dead don’t spin. We could have made a fortune and starve the oil tyrants with the fake moral outrage of bad ideas (and the bigots who held them) that we thought we buried long ago…
But we all know those bullshit ideas and dumbass people are “back“. Maybe we could find a way to generate power from the excess blood pressure boiling under the all those red MAGA hats?
Imagine if we could reduce carbon by talking about climate change in front of the cult at a Trump rally…
That’s all fantasy anyway. I guess we will have to stick to mining the wind, the sun and ocean currents for the free electrons we need… AND… we’ll have to continue to overcome the objections of the morons who want to take us back to the dead ideas of the past — including that only fossil fuels can power the world.