To give the poor souls some rest from my bullshit words, I have grudgingly added pictures to these rants for the past 4 years.

Mostly, I did it because Gibson said he “likes da pictures.”

Gibson is one of the few humans on earth who has toiled through every word of my nearly 500 rants over the past 5 years… “That picture with the douchebag millennial with a sign for jumper cables… That was the one funny thing you’ve done,” Gibson said.

For years, I just googled for an image I hoped would fit. But in 2023, I discovered Bing Artificial Intelligence and its app for “images.”

I type in the text, it comes back with “something.”

Other people have been able to make award winning and stunning images with just a description (like this at (F)art Book fantastic.) I have made muddy, incoherent collections of mostly faceless mannequin-like humans with slick backgrounds… good enough for this bullshit.

But the AI isn’t perfect, and most of the time, I can’t figure out how to get it to do something that looks like I want it to look.

Like all digital tools, I suspect that quickly there will be “AI experts,” whose job will be to type in the right prompts so the computer can replace 1000 artistic humans with one underpaid keyboard monkey. I’m not even good enough to be the monkey.

Sometimes, I type in a celebrity’s name, and it gives me an image of a person who fits that “type” or even something of that face. Like when I needed some for my latest hate rant on pickleball, I typed Katy Perry kisses a pickleball and got this:

But when I needed a picture for “Dick moves of the Musk,” I typed: Elon Musk’s head on top of a cucumber, and got this:

I used “cucumber” because I thought “eggplant” would be an instant block. I needed a more innocent vegetable that still looked like a dick.

I spent more than an hour fucking around with AI and trying to get pictures that would be appropriate for Dick moves of the Musk.

When I typed in: Faces of tech billionaires on cucumbers, I got these options..

Fun to look at but didn’t quite capture Dick Moves of the Musk. Still better than when I typed: Billionaires stacked on cucumbers…

I kept going, because I had such an easy time getting a “good” image for Dick moves of the omnipotent. I just typed in God touches a virus, got blocked (apparently Musk and God cannot be touched, but Katy Perry is available to all). So I switched to Old man with beard touches virus.

Voilà.

Finally, I gave up on the AI, went back to Google. In 30 seconds I had the perfect Dick-moves-of-the-Musk image. A statue of his face on some sort of caterpillar body humping a rocket:

I’ll still try the AI, but this round was definitely won by the good old Google.