Bad Tech

AI photos versus Google

To give the poor souls some rest from my bullshit words, I have grudgingly added pictures to these rants for the past 4 years.

Mostly, I did it because Gibson said he “likes da pictures.”

Gibson is one of the few humans on earth who has toiled through every word of my nearly 500 rants over the past 5 years… “That picture with the douchebag millennial with a sign for jumper cables… That was the one funny thing you’ve done,” Gibson said.

When your generation practically invented Uber, but you can’t make it to work because your battery died. You might be a douchebag millennial.

For years, I just googled for an image I hoped would fit. But in 2023, I discovered Bing Artificial Intelligence and its app for “images.”

I type in the text, it comes back with “something.”

Other people have been able to make award winning and stunning images with just a description (like this at (F)art Book fantastic.) I have made muddy, incoherent collections of mostly faceless mannequin-like humans with slick backgrounds… good enough for this bullshit.

But the AI isn’t perfect, and most of the time, I can’t figure out how to get it to do something that looks like I want it to look.

Like all digital tools, I suspect that quickly there will be “AI experts,” whose job will be to type in the right prompts so the computer can replace 1000 artistic humans with one underpaid keyboard monkey. I’m not even good enough to be the monkey.

Sometimes, I type in a celebrity’s name, and it gives me an image of a person who fits that “type” or even something of that face. Like when I needed some for my latest hate rant on pickleball, I typed Katy Perry kisses a pickleball and got this:

AI will generate pictures of “Katy Perry” kissing almost anything…

But when I needed a picture for “Dick moves of the Musk,” I typed: Elon Musk’s head on top of a cucumber, and got this:

Add Elon Musk’s name to an AI prompt, and that’s a block.

I used “cucumber” because I thought “eggplant” would be an instant block. I needed a more innocent vegetable that still looked like a dick.

I spent more than an hour fucking around with AI and trying to get pictures that would be appropriate for Dick moves of the Musk.

When I typed in: Faces of tech billionaires on cucumbers, I got these options..

Fun to look at but didn’t quite capture Dick Moves of the Musk. Still better than when I typed: Billionaires stacked on cucumbers…

I kept going, because I had such an easy time getting a “good” image for Dick moves of the omnipotent. I just typed in God touches a virus, got blocked (apparently Musk and God cannot be touched, but Katy Perry is available to all). So I switched to Old man with beard touches virus.


AI’s “Old man with a beard” looks just like your imaginary god to me…

Finally, I gave up on the AI, went back to Google. In 30 seconds I had the perfect Dick-moves-of-the-Musk image. A statue of his face on some sort of caterpillar body humping a rocket:

I’ll still try the AI, but this round was definitely won by the good old Google.

8 replies »

  1. Yep, that’s artificial alright. Censorship and blocking innocuous prompts such as God and Musk will only lead to middlebrow superficiality. Now I know why it’s called artificial intelligence.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Gomer Pyle, you God damn communist heathen, I believe it was the Dutch kid with the middle finger that prompted my enthusiasm for your pictures. I have to admit the douchebag millennial with the jumper cable sign was a first place tie with the Dutch kid. There is no AI that could ever replace the simple picture of the tortilla package you found at Christmas. The title “I’m dreaming of a white tortilla” was a perfect one-two punch along with the picture. My Mexican niece who speaks no Spanish had a good laugh with that blog. It was as funny as watching Marco hit a backhand.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I cannot vouch for the accuracy or authenticity of any quote I include with my bullshit. My memory is faulty and was never trustworthy. I just used the Dutch kid middle finger this month, so I focused on the douchebag. Quote paints the right picture even if it’s wrong.


  3. K Man,
    I have read through the many excellent bullshit pages.
    That Musk o piller image was both disturbing and perfect for the Dick Moves post. I find it interesting that if you try and find something with his name it blocks you outright. Seems to me like this particular billionaire has some power not afforded to your average internet lacky . When i have my many fanciful billions maybe all my pictures at the orgy dressed as a pheasant will be blocked as well. For now i guess the costume helps.
    Keep on postin and truckin, You sir are doing it right.

    Liked by 1 person

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