I listened carefully to our new (again) president explain his “strong opinions” on air safety. I knew we picked the right man when he said the recent airline crash was caused by “dwarfs“.
Sure for the first 3 minutes diaper Donnie was able to “sort of” read from the script, and say a few of the “right words” for the families of the dead. You know the kind of mealymouthed homily you would hear from any decent human with all the fake sincerity of any politician.
But just when you thought he had no idea what foreshadowing is… he threw out, “but we have strong opinions… we will get to those later.”
Later came in less than 90 seconds and included a reading of the DEI policy according to “Obama and Biden.”
Because, of course, in a national tragedy, the first step is to assign blame (with absolutely no evidence) to other races, people with disabilities, people with no penises, and folks whose arms are obviously too short to work the air traffic controls.
Because in the Trump administration air traffic is controlled like the water in California by huge levers and faucets and giant dials that only big strong white men can pull.
While lamenting the possible inclusion of people with physical or mental issues, Donnie failed to read the full DEI list (that exists only in his head) and starts with:
- Dwarfs
- Elves
- Hobbits
- Ents
- Orcs
- Trolls
He was going to include “wizards” but discovered they are on the “too white” list and therefore excluded from DEI according to Donnie.
However upon further review, Pete Hegeseth, that bastion of the white man meritocracy, remembered that Gandolf is gay, and therefore Wizards also cause airplanes and helicopters to crash.
When confirmed, Tulsi Gabbard will announce that homeland security, the TSA and the FAA will also remove all DEI preferences or personnel who fall into these categories:
- Mermaids (although Mermen might pass for job openings under the sea)
- Leprechauns
- And Lilliputians
While they are at it, they will remove all Giants and men named Gulliver — just to be sure.
“We will erase all these extra categories of people from the fictional books of my youth,” Trump said. “And that will get us back to hiring only the best of the best like RFK Jr. Bobbie’s going to go medieval on our health.”
How one takes tragedy and turns it into political pornography I have no idea. Still – “Fictionable books of my youth”. Is Diaper Don suggesting he actually read as a child? Is there such a word as “fictionable”? Help. Oh, help.
Other than the dwarf line, I just made up the quotes. Sounded like things he would say.
Republicans have SOLD OUT OUR COUNTRY and OUR DEMOCRACY!! THEY Are Trying To Take OUR Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid, Disability, & Are Going To Kill Us ALL. The GOP Has Stolen The FUTURE 😞😭😞 The Billionaires Are Gutting OUR Government So THEY Can Steal ALL The Money. SOLD OUR National Secrets To China and PUTIN.
This administration is like some kids on Tik tok with a aircraft flying simulation saying how much better they could fly than actual pilots. They get caught trying to rush the cabin and hijack a plane so we vote out the pilots and put them in charge.
-Butterpants
Everyday the chaos and corruption gets worse.
Just making sure the misspelling of dwarves was not you. Carry on carrying on about the carrion complaining about DEI killing people with carry ons.
Dwarfs is an acceptable spelling. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dwarf_(folklore)#:~:text=Modern%20English%20has%20two%20plurals,have%20to%20go%20with%20it.%22
But I get it. Feels wrong– like all of this shit going on.
I guess Toronto Maple Leaves doesn’t have quite the same ring to it. I stand corrected, but I won’t take this lying down. Points for the usages of carry on?