Lost: 1 purple sneaker somewhere on I-10 freeway

Found: 1 purple sneaker as it hit the windshield of my lying nazi bullshit diesel.

Reward: Yeah, here’s the reward for the dipshit douchebag millennial; you get to live without being named and shamed only because I don’t know who you are…

How do I know it was a millennial? Who the fuck else loses a shoe in the fast lane of the freeway? I can just picture the douchebag with a little jesus beard and vaping at 80 miles an hour with the fucking window open.

I pass you punks and see your over-sized feet on the dashboard. Baby boomers are too old and fat to put their feet all the way up there.

It’s always bare feet. Their shoes have to go somewhere… Apparently they’re just too stupid to keep them inside the car.

They’re probably losing the shoe as they are flicking it off their foot, taking a long drag on the vape pipe, rolling down the window with their elbow and trying to post a selfie  about their trip. Multi-tasking assholes can’t do any ONE thing right..

I can understand shoes in the breakdown lane. Climb out of the car to fix something, and a shoe falls out. Usually a kid’s shoe.

But this was some big ass shoe to cover the huge bunny feet of a semi-adult. You know that douchebag didn’t even bother to stop.  His parents are probably paying his rent and buying him a new fucking pair of shoes.

Judging by my son and his friends, this whole goddamn generation keeps losing their glasses, keys and credit cards. What the hell is going to happen to them when they are my age and their actual memory starts to fade.

Jesus, we did LSD and still kept track of most of our fucking shit.

Thanks alot douchebag. Now there’s a big spider crack in my windshield. I’m getting rid of this lying bullshit car soon, but I have to waste more of the planet’s resources to put a new windshield in this piece of shit car.

The old windshield is probably going to end up in a landfill. I’ll bet its final resting place will be right next to one fucking purple shoe.

Update: 2017

I got the windshield replaced, and that broke the fucking wipers. Jesus will this nazi curse never end…

Update: July 2020

Re-running this “classic” from the way-back machine (2017).  The Lying Nazi Bullshit Diesel went to diesel purgatory in 2018.  Replaced it with the smart ass car.  So far the smart ass has not been hit by flying shoes.