Like many great business ideas, it started as a mistake.
The wife mistakenly asked my sister what would be easier to do for dinner on a Sunday. Family was in town. We were thinking about going to a restaurant or doing a huge carry out order.
“Something at your house,” was the answer.
The wife texted me at 3 p.m.
“We are doing dinner for 13 tonight at our house. You are grilling steak — start the clean up — and get a cake.”
I stopped by the “bunt” store and got the big cake and 3 little ones. A 10-inch cake didn’t seem like enough for 12 people — that’s less than an inch a person.
There’s a dick joke in there somewhere about 1 inch per person, but it’s so small I can’t find it…
When she got home, I was spraying off the backyard in a vain attempt to rid the concrete pavers of pine needles and bird shit. That’s not the “clean up” she expected.
“You are not spraying off those chairs are you,” the wife said. “They will never dry in time.”
I wasn’t.
“We need to clean the tables and chairs…now”
I will.
“What’s with all this cake — we are never going to eat that much.”
Apparently, 4 people dropped out and we were down to 9. Other people were bringing cake — an ice-cream thing from Baskin Robbins and some brownie mix thing the wife was baking. We packed the refrigerator with the desserts as I pulled out the meat to grill. Butterfly cut filet mignon for 13. We bought it — might as well grill it. There will be leftover steak for 4.
Tables were cleaned. Chairs were moved. I pulled out the little electric leaf blower and blew some of the dust off some of that stuff. Good enough for family.
We had just enough bottles of wine to get through the family dinner and keep everyone smiling till the guests left. The wife filled tupperware with filet mignon, potatoes and salad and desserts for all to take home.
But our fridge had no side dishes — they had gone out the door to give “balanced meals” for the rest.
A business lunch to remember
Monday I was home alone typing away at my latest grant proposal. The wife came home around 4.
“What did you have for lunch?”
“Steak and cake.”
She looked at me like I had suggested we eat cockroaches for breakfast.
“Actually, it was pretty good. All the parts of the meal I like…”
She pondered. Did not respond.
I pondered. I need a patent — I will open an entire chain of restaurants just devoted to Steak and Cake. Brilliant.
Skip the bread — it’s just a filling distraction. Throw away all those potatoes — no one is eating them anyway. Stop pretending with that bullshit “steak salad.” Cut out the middle man and just give the people what they want. Free range protein followed by the Marie Antoinette special: let us all eat cake for fuck’s sake.
Before I file the patent, I do a quick google search: “Steak and Cake.”
Results for Steak and Cake
God damn it — there are no new ideas:
This damn woman has already written a whole book about it.
Let me just say, the idea may be solid, but I’m going to call bullshit on the author’s name. It’s just too much of a coincidence that the book on Steak and Cake was written by a “Karmel.” Sure, sure and the “History of M&M’s” was written by “Lord Green One.”
Ok maybe it’s not a great business idea after all. But I’m not going to call it a mistake. From now on, my go to BBQ meal will be Steak and Cake.
Brilliant!