I used to wonder how all these bicycle shops on every corner stayed in business. Then I got into cycling. Mystery solved
One day a driver in Tucson is going to kill me with kindness — under the wheels of her white sedan with a big fucking Be Kind sticker on the back.
When I first started cycling, I had no idea it was a “social” activity. But sometimes I can’t get these fuckers to shut up.
Being the fat guy at the start line in a cycling event is like being the hairy 300-pound dude at the beach in a speedo. I’m in my tight-ass shorts surrounded by all these skinny happy fucks talking about their “race” goals. They are setting up their cadence […]
When I started cycling, I never realized I’d have a problem with the “real” fat bikers. I’m talking about those 250-plus-pound guys riding Harley’s. They fucking follow cyclists everywhere — like a pack of fat flies carrying loud speakers. We all like the two-lane curvy highways near a […]
Everybody else loses weight when they ride a bike. Not me. I’ve ridden more than 20,000 miles since 2010, and I just keep getting fatter and fatter. Yeah, Yeah… I should eat better and try other things. Fuck that. I like beer and wings and other shitty stuff. […]
It’s taken me 40 years to figure out I always need a backup career, because some shit is going to happen and I will be the scapegoat. Currently, I have 2 backup careers in mind: insurance fraud and money laundering.
They seem “easy.”