Category: Tennis teams — Pendejos

These assholes got these rants started. It could be a never-ending source of fake anger, sarcasm, and petty feuds. And crustacean jokes — lots of crustacean jokes.

Comedy Collection

By Kieran on August 6, 2019 • ( 5 Comments )

I might have to break a couple of semi-famous thumbs.

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The Legend Retires — Updated

By Kieran on August 1, 2019 • ( 12 Comments )

Believe it or not, I have a friend, who recently became “famous” for quitting. Well, at least “internet famous” (in Tucson only) when he quietly retired.

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I May Have Assaulted a Douchebag Millennial — Allegedly

By Kieran on July 16, 2019 • ( 6 Comments )

If you see me being led away in handcuffs anytime soon, it was just life teaching me another little lesson about me. Here’s my side of the story.

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Back in the US, Back in the US, Back in the USTA

By Kieran on June 27, 2019 • ( 2 Comments )

I’ve ranted, raved and complained like a 2-year-old with no cookie about the United States Tennis Association. And just when I thought I was out for good, they pulled me back in.

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The White Tiger

By Kieran on June 25, 2019 • ( 16 Comments )

I learned something deep and dark about myself. If two of my friends ever go to hunt down the last white tiger on earth, the Bear and I would tag along, not say a fucking word, and laugh at all the wrong times.

Sounds awful I know.

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The Best Shot in Tennis History

By Kieran on May 28, 2019 • ( 5 Comments )

I fucking knew Josh and Angry Ed would not be able to let that go. I would have bet a month’s pay it would be Angry Ed… but it wasn’t.

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Better Living through Cortisone

By Kieran on May 21, 2019 • ( 4 Comments )

After years of physical therapy and anti-inflammatories, followed by months of injections and finally artho knee surgery, I finally found my “miracle”. Cortisone.

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Menage a What The Fuck?

By Kieran on March 28, 2019 • ( 7 Comments )

I only have one “sex” story that I used to share in public.

I was 16 years old and working at the ghetto grocery store that was a few blocks from my parents’ house. One winter night around 9 p.m. I was rounding up the last of the shopping carts in the parking lot.

This tiny little rusted out piece-of-shit sedan was a rockin’.

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Living on the Crack

By Kieran on March 19, 2019 • ( Leave a comment )

We all have our little addictions. Some good, some not so good. For the past decade, I’ve been hooked on the crack.

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Post-Op Bullshit

By Kieran on March 12, 2019 • ( 5 Comments )

The surgeon looked at me with the kind of disgust one saves for making sure the cockroach is dead before you throw it in the trash.

“What do you mean it still hurts?” he said. “You had a leaf tear and I smoothed it all out.”

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Diphthong Denea

By Kieran on March 5, 2019 • ( 9 Comments )

One of the fucked-up things about playing recreational tennis is away matches.

You have to drive to some other part of town and play on strange courts. And worse, we can’t just walk to the Third World bar to enjoy some popcorn and beer with the resident mice — we are forced to pick a different bar.

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Novocaine in the Parking Lot

By Kieran on February 28, 2019 • ( 7 Comments )

Waiting for my slot to get my knee surgery, the surgeon was killing time and hung out at my bedside for a while.

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That was My God Damn Cookie

By Kieran on February 21, 2019 • ( 5 Comments )

Saturday morning there were 3 cookies left — the Savage chocolate chip cookies with just the right amount of crack.

“Those are for you and your brother,” the Bear said. “You figure out how to share them.”

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Cut Me, Doc, Cut Me

By Kieran on January 29, 2019 • ( 2 Comments )

I know it probably won’t work, but I’m signing up for surgery.

I’ve combined advil and tylenol. I’ve done the physical therapy, the braces and the weird shots of sugar and bacteria — or spun out particles of my own blood.

Left knee got better. Right knee got worse.