Christening the Bowl
The Bear came down from Gilbert, and she was looking for a bowl to steal.
Forgotten Dad Lessons
We often forget the impact we have on others. Here’s a little reminder that came from The Boy (now age 29) through Facebook Messenger of what a shitty dad I am.
The White Tiger
I learned something deep and dark about myself. If two of my friends ever go to hunt down the last white tiger on earth, the Bear and I would tag along, not say a fucking word, and laugh at all the wrong times.
Sounds awful I know.
Burned in Sitka
Went on the Alaska Cruise with the Bear. The forecast said cloudy and rain every day. Just what we wanted when we booked this trip for June. We figured it would have been over 100 degrees for a month in Arizona by then.
We figured wrong.
The Dog’s Dinner
The Bear and I inherited a grand-dog — 12 pounds of a manipulating mutt — and now it seems we can’t go to dinner without her.
Weirdest 3-way Ever
We were at the Bear’s second cousin’s wedding in New Mexico when it happened. I drank too much, and said something I thought was funny…
Volleybrawl — sort of
I tried to play volleyball, once. Nearly, got my nose broken (by the Bear) and almost got in a different fight.
It was early in our relationship. Shortly after I ate the tamale husks to impress the Savages.
Being Defensive
Despite dropping rates of violent crime, Americans are ever more paranoid.
The news keeps telling us about murders, home invasions and car jackings… So people adopt this mental defensive crouch like we are Bruce Lee in Enter the Dragon. But actual crime rates have been dropping since the 1960’s.
Becoming a Skinny Fuck in San Francisco
It sucks being the only fat man in San Francisco. I was there for work last week squeezed into a conference hotel with a 1000 skinny fucks.
A bunch of vegans and vegetarians with food allergies surrounded me. Even in the few moments when I escaped the hotel, the streets were packed, the restaurants and bars had these tiny chairs and tables stacked on each other like legos.
Headbutt
As a parent, there are a few moments when you don’t know whether to be pissed or to be proud.
Listen to this bullshit, and tell me which I should have been.
Iris LaBonga
I have never trusted birds — useless fucking things that just mock us with their ability to swoop down on our heads. But years ago something happened that changed my mind.
That was My God Damn Cookie
Saturday morning there were 3 cookies left — the Savage chocolate chip cookies with just the right amount of crack.
“Those are for you and your brother,” the Bear said. “You figure out how to share them.”
Killing me with Coffee
Something different.
This crazy lady I met on the internet asked if I would write something for her blog. Unlike all the other lifestyle and recipe blogs, she rants and swears with the best of them. Unlike my bullshit, there’s a lot more to her stuff than just anger and insults.
So, I could only hope to put some bullshit together that would fit on her page. And sadly this is the best I could do.
You can read it on her page:
http://ccorral.blogspot.com/2019/01/killing-me-with-coffee.html
My final attempt at Christmas shopping
I’ve been in “husband” boot camp for 32 years. There’s no graduation in sight.
Fat Biker: Clueless Riders
My clueless riders, didn’t ask and didn’t know those things. They just assumed that everyone thinks it’s OK to endanger and maybe kill other people who don’t look like or sound like you.
KieranHumor.com 