I’ve been playing tennis since 1978, but as my knees have failed these bastards that surround me keep sucking me toward the pickleball courts with their micro aggressions.
“You know for someone who moves like you, pickleball is a good option,” they say. The pickleball “court” is one-quarter size. Its paddles are half the size of a racquet, but the “wiffle” balls are bigger than a tennis ball. It has “kids game” or retirement home written all over it.
Long ago I gave up singles for tennis. It was too much running to cover a space half the size of a basketball court by myself. I can cover about 30 percent of a court. My partner covers the other 70 — hence the micro aggressions.
After years of resisting the “pickle,” I played the paddle game once, 4 months ago, when Sugar Mama thought we could do something “together.” She’s the only one who can get me to go again.
But after 3 rants against the pickle, maybe I’m not the best judge. Here’s an objective and factual list of “features” for tennis and pickleball. You decide.
| Feature | Tennis | Pickle |
| Famous Players/Awesome Athletes | Federer, Nadal, Djokovic, Serena Williams, Pete Sampras, Bilie Jean King, Martina, Rod Laver, Don Budge… | none |
| International Championships/Tours | Wimbledon, French Open, US Open, Australian Open, ATP Tour, WTA tour… | none |
| Corporate Sponsors | BNP Paribas, Chase Bank, Emirates Airlines, Rolex… | Superior Labs (supplements for aches and pains) |
| Clothing Lines/Shoes | Nike, Reebok, Adidas, LaCoste… | Penguin by Munsingwear |
| Level of exercise | aerobic/endurance | less than walking a medium-sized dog |
| Level of expertise/training | high | less than corn hole |
| Items usually found near the court | golf courses, luxury homes, public parks | Mobile homes, dumpsters |
| Sounds of the game | Solid contact like a baseball homer; Athletic grunts or inspirational shouts of “Vamos;” Roar of huge crowd. | Awful “thwacks” like someone is hitting a Hyundai with a plastic hammer; Mumbling of pain or shouts of “what’s the score?”; Inane babble coming from the next court. |
If that’s not enough… Here’s 10-minutes of some people playing tennis:
Compared to “the best” playing Pickleball…
Now you tell me — Tennis or Pickleball?
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Categories: Pickleball sucks, Tennis teams -- Pendejos
KieranHumor.com 
You will come around eventually. I played tennis till 2018. I gave away all my equipment. This week I started pickleball. It’s addicting
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Getting my left hip replaced Tuesday 9/7 and can’t wait to move without pain. Tired of standing at the net with a basket of balls giving lessons. Haven’t been in a wheelchair yet so I haven’t had to play whiffle ball. As long as I can keep moving, I may never be relegated to the pickle ball court. Loved your features list. Salud!
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thanks. Next to a dumpster still makes me laugh.
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That’s exactly what I’m afraid of…
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I have a couple nice tennis racquets rotting in my garage. Now that my back is feeling better, maybe we can get together and try this pickle thing. I looks okay and I’m sure we will spend more time laughing at ourselves versus admiring stellar play.
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I’m not a tennis fan and I know very little about it, except there seems to be a lot of lovemaking with the scoring. But watching a little bit of both clips tell me I’d be much less bored watching a tennis match, than a pickleball match.
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Chopping wood for the winter fire. Golf? Pffft! Tennis? Lah-dee-dah? Pickleball? Are you insane? Bagg’o [an acceptable name for the kiddie game often called “cornhole”]? Get real. Go work on your `55 Ford pickup or split wood. Real man’s sport.
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No need to split wood in the desert… but agree it’s a better activity than any of these girly things.
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