Finally my hatred for pickleball has been endorsed by the main-stream, “fake news” of the corporate media.

You can’t get more fake news and more corporate than the production owned by MTV Entertainment Group which is a network of Paramount Global. Paramount Global was formed in the merger of Viacom and CBS. About 80 percent of Paramount Global stock is controlled by National Amusements, which owns and operates 1500 movie screens around the world and is an equal partner with MovieTickets.com

That’s right the people who control 20 percent of the movie business and all of CBS television and Paramount Studios also hate pickleball.

How do I know? Michael Kosta and the Daily Show told us so.

It’s a 6 minute piece how bad Pickleball sucks – but the best jokes are in the first 3 minutes.

I’ll let you get the story straight from Kosta. I listen to his Tennis Anyone podcast, and it clear in the wars against the whiffle, Kosta is on the right side of history.

I will steal one fact from the video. That silly kids game has reportedly stolen 35 percent of the tennis courts in the United States. Those evil pickle bastards are fighting for more.

It’s the easy way out. A cheap way to get what they want without doing the work to build an infrastructure for their “little game.”

No other sport faces an onslaught from a bastard child.

  • You don’t see 60-year-old nerf basketball players quartering courts and lowering hoops so even an octogenarian could dunk.
  • No one is kicking kids off the soccer pitch, so their grandparents can slowing pass a whiffle version of a soccer ball past a goalie in a wheel chair.
  • Baseball teams don’t have to share their fields with a stream of hipster douchebags playing endless rounds of two-strike kickball and refusing to leave the field.

I love the idea that those pickled pricks are converting unused retail space crushed under the competition for Amazon into indoor pickleball courts. Just within a few miles of my house, there’s pickleball backyard, pickleball kingdom, and center court pickleball.

That’s right you noisy mother fuckers, pay your membership fee, and move your gawd awful mess behind thick walls. Just like strip clubs and whore houses, pickleball should be an indoor activity where decent people don’t have to see your unpracticed and unbalanced lunges or hear the sickening groans of old people bending. And that dental-work-destroying thwacking when whiffle hits paddle.

Want “free” courts from your town or county? Lobby your local government and wait the years it takes for them to build the recreational facilities you want. Tennis has been fighting for public space since 1898. Now you can fight for your own courts too.

But move that obnoxious shit far away from tennis courts, quiet public spaces or houses. No one wants to hear your headache-inducing game.

Pickleballers will tell you that the tennis courts are “empty.” But that’s only because the elderly can play pickleball at any time of day, but the working stiffs who play tennis still have jobs.

The picklers at Gilbert Regional Park look over at the tennis courts at dawn and think “what a waste of space.” But the basketball courts are empty too. Come sundown, there’s a wait for tennis and basketball because young people have shit to do in the morning (or need to sleep in from the shit they did last night).

Most recreational facilities sit empty during the day. Doesn’t mean the retired get to move in and stay all day like a homeless encampment with paddles.

Tennis has been far too lenient on letting pickleball borrow courts. The USTA said courts can be shared. The Tennis network has aired pickleball tournaments. Professional tennis has sponsored pickleball events.

Fuck that.

Let pickleball stand on its own. Let it fight for its own space and its own TV time and professional leagues and sponsors. Mostly keep your paddles and old man ball sacks off our tennis courts.

Now that’s a cause even corporate media should get behind.